Hikayemi kontrol edebilir misiniz ?

I went to my friend for breakfast.After breakfast, we went to buy junk something.An old house hit our eyes.We didn't sure thata a person lived or didn't live .Then we wondered the house .Christiana decided to enter the house .I think it was craziness .She tried to open the door .Inside ,it smells musty.Everything was creaking and shadows were dancing along the walls .I was starting to get frightened.My breathing was quickening as I was continueing .I couldn't stand the event .
-Christiana ,I think Let's get out of here .
Christiana said :
-Are you scared ? You would leave alone me
-No,no .You get me wrong.This is very dangerous.
Christiana said :
-You can go if you want
- No ,I will not go .We are friends
Then we started to go up the stairs .The stairs were squeaking underneath my sneakers .I hold my breath with each step. We walked up the hallway. We stopped before a door .The door opened easily .I shoone my flashlight in and I was checking for anything that mu jump out of me .Nothing .I realized it was a normal room .I thought it would be a murderer or a ghost .I was walking along the hall.I could hear any sounds coming from the basement. I sat quietly listening and I heard the footsteps again coming up the stairs.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I looked the around but there wasn't Chrisitiana .İmmediately I started to look and I shouted"Christiana ,Where are you " but there was no sound .I thought Christiana would come out.As soon as possible ,I started running .Suddenly ,When I saw Christitna ,I was very relieved and we hugged each other .Then we went out of the house and drove away.I stopped my car in the drove and I was looking at the house .It secrets remained just that for now .Secrets


Ablalarım hikayemi yazdım Acaba kontrol edebilir misiniz ?Noktalı bıraktığım yerlerde biraz aksiyon ekleyeceğim de . :)

Dördüncü sirada " in it" eksik mi? Sadece bir kac cümle okudum iyi degil ingilizcem yanlis yönlendirmek istemem.

We went to buy junk something => "junk something"de ne kastettiniz? We went out to buy some junk food gibi bisey diyebilirsiniz onun yerine

An old house hit our eyes => An old house caught our eyes.

We didn't sure thata a person lived or didn't live => We weren't sure whether anyone lived there or not.

Then we wondered the house => We were curious about the house.

I think it was craziness => I think it was crazy

Inside ,it smells musty. => There was a musty smell inside

My breathing was quickening as I was continueing => My breath was quickening as I continued

I couldn't stand the event => I couldn't stand being there.

-Christiana ,I think Let's get out of here => -Christiana ,I think we should get out of here

Are you scared ? You would leave alone me => Christina size git mi diyor, yoksa beni birakir misin diye mi soruyor? Git diyorsa direk "You can leave if you want" desin, soruyosa "Are you going to leave me alone in here?" diye sorsun

I hold my breath with each step. => I held my breath with each step.

We stopped before a door => We stopped in front of a door

I shoone my flashlight in and I was checking for anything that mu jump out of me => I turned my flashlight on and checked if anything was moving inside (biraz anlamini degistirdim ama sanki daha mantikli oldu gibi)

I thought it would be a murderer or a ghost => I thought there would be a murderer or a ghost inside

I was walking along the hall.I could hear any sounds coming from the basement. => I started walking back in the hall. Suddenly, I heard strange noises coming from the basement.

I heard the footsteps again coming up the stairs => I heard footsteps coming up the stairs

I looked the around but there wasn't Chrisitiana => I looked around but Chrisitiana wasn't there

İmmediately I started to look and I shouted"Christiana ,Where are you " but there was no sound => I looked around and shouted "Christiana ,where are you ?" but there was no answer.

As soon as possible ,I started running => I was frightened and started running as fast as I could

Suddenly ,When I saw Christitna ,I was very relieved and we hugged each other => Suddenly, I saw Christina standing there. I was very relieved and we hugged each other

I stopped my car in the drove and I was looking at the house => I stopped the car for a minute and looked back at the house

It secrets remained just that for now => Cok anlamadim bu cumlede ne demek istediginizi ama "It remained as a mystery for now" gibi bisey diyebilirsin.

Elinize saglik, cok surukleyici olmus =)

çok teşekkür edrim :) Aslında aralara biraz daha aksiyon eklesem olur mu ? Sanki bu haliyle biraz boş gibi geldi :)

maria65 .!.:

çok teşekkür edrim :) Aslında aralara biraz daha aksiyon eklesem olur mu ? Sanki bu haliyle biraz boş gibi geldi :)

Genişletmek için tıkla...

Bilmiyorum ki odeviniz ne denli kapsamli olmali=) bence guzel bir kisa hikaye olmus

Ablacım konu bize ait .Zaten öğretmenimiz bize kısa hikaye yazın dedi de sanki biraz aksiyon eklemem lazm gibi geldi. Abla ben yazdığım bölümü atsam konrol edebilir misiniz acaba ?